of the many virtues you can have, I think one of the more important ones is understanding when something is beginning and when something is coming to an end. we each have our seasons and, in the midst of those seasons, our moments and hours and days; and this blog, if nothing else, has been a moderately brief account of a rather long season of mine that has come to an end in the last few months. I began writing on here a number of years ago on the night that my grandfather died and have used it as a way of finding understanding in some of the heavier things that have come along since then such as the end of college, living in new cities relatively alone, and the ins and outs of (separate) failed relationships with two admirable but silly girls. I’ve needed a place to wrestle more overtly with my own immaturity, the zoo that my mind can be at times, and trying to grow up without losing anything important, and this blog has been helpful to me. I’ve heard from a few of you that reading the things I’ve written here have been helpful to you as well, and I’m thankful that that was the case. Most of you who read this blog (whom I’m aware of) have contributed a great deal of benefit and happiness to my life and I am deeply grateful to each of you for that. Please see any help or entertainment that my writing here has given you as a small sign of my gratitude if not also of my penchant for self-disclosure.
As I mentioned before, I’m shutting down Full of Running because I’m not full of running anymore in the way that I was. Or rather, it’s a different kind of running now. Historically I’ve been quite caught up in the past and its implications much in the same way, I think, that some find it very difficult to throw out old things because of the sentiment they have. What I mean is, we all have a way of packing up the past and bringing it into our new homes and relationships and places thinking that those things, those memories and experiences and wounds, are the things that will make the new places feel more like home. That isn’t the case, though. My writing here has focused on running away from things, on being uncaptured, and this new running I have is a running towards. A chasing after.
I would like to get as many of my dreams out of my head and into the world as I can, and someday love a girl deeply and have her love me back roughly the same amount (it isn’t an exact science after all), and have a family, and eat the maximum number of sandwiches possible, and do thousands of other things, and I don’t know what will happen or how my attempts at those things will play out, but I suspect it will be a combination of exciting times and difficult times just like everyone else’s life (strange how often we feel set apart from the natural order, and for no particular reason). Whatever happens, I plan on spending the rest of my time with people and pursuits that give me life back and trying to live the best story I can (to steal Donald Miller and Bob Goff’s life plans), and that’s what my next writing spot/blog will be focused on. Immersing in life rather than reflecting on it.
The place I’d like to house my next blog(Medium) is still under construction so it may be awhile until it’s up, but I’ll post a link to it on here once it’s live and such.
Like many of the conversations you all have had with me, this has dragged on far too long. My only encouragement is to build your life around the things that give you life back, and to go after the things you want with everything you have in you and a bit more, and, for all of our sakes, to write all the stories down so we can come along with you.